Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
