I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
