Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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