he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
