dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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