She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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