New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
