I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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