take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
