It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
