My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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