I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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