Those balls look pretty dangerous.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
