well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
