So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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