Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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