why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
