I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
