YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
