I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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