I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
