did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
