I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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