i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
