After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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