i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
