Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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