My balls are so social today.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
