You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
