i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
