just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
