my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
