I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
