cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Im part way to drunk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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