The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
