Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
