they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
