There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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