I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
