So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Randomize
