Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
