similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
