Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
