When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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