it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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