dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
