the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Who died my cat blue again?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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