She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
