speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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