I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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