I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
