my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
