Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
